Complicated Heart

The sky watched us as we wandered along the boulevard of the never ending story of us.
Our small footsteps create a loud noise, our conversations wake the universe, our laughs generate music that capture the beauty of the night. Our scent lingers on the breeze.

But something bothers me, my feelings. I am quite unsure of it. Something has changed.

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We are on the same sky sharing a different view.

What I see is a diamond sparkling before me. It shines so bright it makes me blind. The light is captivating my sight.

I am always staring though it’s hurting my eyes, I tried not to, however,

I can’t help but be drawn to the diamond.

I thought I was okay. I thought I can easily cope with the type of working environment I am in. I thought I can handle so much stress and pressure. I thought that maybe I will be used to it. I don’t wanna quit but most of the times it always crossed my mind. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I’m not good enough, even if I tried my best to be good in this kind of field. There comes a point when I’m doubting myself, my abilities to do the job. I don’t know if I’m really into this. My colleagues are not giving up on me, but here I am, thinking of giving up. What to do? It’s like I’m battling with myself. I don’t know how to overcome this kind of feeling. I need a break. I need to breathe.

New Work Environment

Finally, got the urge to write again.

I am not really good when it comes to communication skills. I am always having a hard time in communicating effectively. But, as for now, due to my nature of work, I’m getting used to it. Slowly, I am coping in this kind of environment and at the same time developing my communication skills, which is a good sign. There are those moments when I want to quit, mostly all the time. With the help of my colleagues, I managed not to give up. I never expected that I would ever go this far, that I can handle so much pressure, stress, and frustrations.  Well, I’m really learning a lot in this toxic work environment. I already stepped out of my comfort zone. Little by little, I am learning on how to boost my self confidence at work.

My team has never let me down. They’re always there to guide, help, and motivate me. I am so grateful to be part of a great team. In a span of 2 months, it seems like I’ve already known them for years. We’re family. They’re my reason why I go to work everyday.

That’s all for tonight. I need to be physically and mentally ready for work tomorrow (Monday madness).

Writer’s Block?

Sometimes, I think I cannot write any longer. I can no longer write the thoughts I hold. I want to say something, detail by detail, but I just can’t pen it down anymore. I tried to read others’ works, so I would have the spirit to write again as before. Yeah, they write beautifully, and I ask myself, how come these people are following me, too?

You guys don’t know how much it matters to me, and thank you for not hitting the unfollow button, some already did though. I don’t care that much. I care about those people who stayed. I may not know you guys personally, but just reading your every post, I feel the connection among all of you. We may have different races, cultures, and beliefs, we still share common thoughts here. I never think that I am different from you guys. I love ya’ll from the bottom of my heart (: Thanks for staying with me this long.

I just hope I can write again as much as possible.

Learning to Trust

At times, I feel I’m not good enough
Doubting myself and scared to try
Worrying just gets in the way
Unsure of tomorrow, can’t help but cry

My faith is shaking and
Giving up is all I can think of
Wanting to escape from everything
But I remember Him, I look above

Prayer is an armor, turns burdens into blessings
I know I shouldn’t question it
When troubles keep on bugging me
My faith seems to weaken, I admit

Same cycle, again and again
Asking myself, “What’s going on with me?”
I thought I knew God but not really
Please help me find my way and see

I want to trust God completely
Believe in wondrous things He can do
If I would totally give myself to Him
All things are possible, yes it’s true

I want to get out of this dilemma
Forget all the drama and move forward
I want a stable relationship with God
I will be strong, not a coward

Oh God, help me not to lose heart in troubles
Sometimes clouds have a silver lining
During difficulties I can be drawn nearer to You
I can be rest assured of a fret free living

Bakit nga ba ako nag blog? Nung una di ko talaga alam kung bakit. Nainggit lang kasi ako sa pinsan at kapatid ko. Inggitera eh! Haha! Wala akong ideya dati kung ano ang blog.

Wait! Teka lang! Bago ako magpatuloy sa aking kwento, isa munang patalastas! Haha. Kidding aside, hehe, pansin nyo naman siguro na karamihan sa mga sinulat ko ay wikang Inggles ang ginamit ko. Hep hep hep! Alam ko na iniisip nyo, may super powers kaya ako, nakakabasa ako ng mga isip! haha. Alam ko karamihan sa mga tao mapanghusga, ganyan din ako minsan haha.

Whoop! Pakinggan nyo muna rason ko.. ay este basahin pala haha. Inisip ko talaga dati kung sa anong lengguwahe ko isusulat ang lahat ng nasa isip ko dito sa aking blog. Akalain nyo yun! Nag-iisip din pala ako haha. Dalawang choices lang syempre ang pinagpilian ko, Tagalog at Inggles! Yun lang alam ko eh 🙂 Naisip ko na pag purong Tagalog lang ang isusulat ko, malamang mga kapwa ko lang Pilipino din ang makakaintindi sa akin. Ayoko ng ganun. Limited lang ang mambabasa ko.Gusto ko kasi lahat maiintindihan ang mga pinagsasasabi ko dito. Gusto ko pati mga banyaga, makaka-relate naman sa kung ano ang gusto kong ipabatid. Kaya napag desisyunan ko na Inggles ang gamitin kong lengguwahe.

Sigurado ako ngayon, “nose bleed” ang mga banyagang sumusubaybay sa aking blog pag nabasa nila  ito dahil isang umaatikabong Tagalog ang sinulat ko. Hahaha!  Hindi naman sa pagmamayabang, ahem! karamihan sa aking mga followers ay kung saan saang lupalop ng daigdig nanggaling. Mga alien! Hahaha! Nakauto ako haha. Mga ingglisero’t ingglisera, pang United Nations ata ang blog ko ahaha! Kaya kinakailangan ko talaga mag inggles para sa kanila haha. Di naman lingid sa ating kaalaman na ang Inggles ay “universal language”, kaya kahit sino o ano pa man ang lahi, nakakaintindi at nakakapagsalita nito. Mas madali kong naipaparating ang aking damdamin sa iba’t ibang sulok ng mundo na kanila namang niyayakap. Hindi porket Inggles ang ginagamit ko sa aking pagsulat ay hindi na ako maka Pilipino. Ang pagiging Pilipino ay hindi lang nababase sa pagsasalita ng wikang Tagalog kundi ito ay isinasapuso, at pinapakita sa gawa. Wala ba kayong mga kamay? Palakpakan naman dyan haha.

Ang tanging ginagawa ko lang dati sa blog ko ay mag-reblog. Reblog dito, reblog doon. Walang katapusang reblogging ng kung anu-ano haha. Tapos napaisip na naman ako. Aba! feeling ko tumatalino na ko kasi lagi ako napapaisip ahaha. Dun ako nag-umpisang magsulat online. Parang diary lang nug una tas nag-level up ako haha. Gumawa rin ako ng mga tula, as usual nainggit na naman ako sa iba haha. Inggitera ako in a good way naman, oh ha! nag justify na naman ako haha. There’s an artist in me pala, naks! di ko ini expect yun hahaha. Napatunayan ko sa sarili ko na kaya ko. Kaya ko rin pala.

Kung napapansin nyo nagdagdag ako ng tagalog sa aking topics, yung tulang tagalog at kwentong tagalog. Wala pa masyadong laman yan, pupunan ko pa lang haha. Mga bagong putahe ng aking beloved blog haha. Until next time buddies ^^, There’s more to come 🙂