Complicated Heart

The sky watched us as we wandered along the boulevard of the never ending story of us.
Our small footsteps create a loud noise, our conversations wake the universe, our laughs generate music that capture the beauty of the night. Our scent lingers on the breeze.

But something bothers me, my feelings. I am quite unsure of it. Something has changed.

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We are on the same sky sharing a different view.

What I see is a diamond sparkling before me. It shines so bright it makes me blind. The light is captivating my sight.

I am always staring though it’s hurting my eyes, I tried not to, however,

I can’t help but be drawn to the diamond.

I thought I was okay. I thought I can easily cope with the type of working environment I am in. I thought I can handle so much stress and pressure. I thought that maybe I will be used to it. I don’t wanna quit but most of the times it always crossed my mind. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I’m not good enough, even if I tried my best to be good in this kind of field. There comes a point when I’m doubting myself, my abilities to do the job. I don’t know if I’m really into this. My colleagues are not giving up on me, but here I am, thinking of giving up. What to do? It’s like I’m battling with myself. I don’t know how to overcome this kind of feeling. I need a break. I need to breathe.

New Work Environment

Finally, got the urge to write again.

I am not really good when it comes to communication skills. I am always having a hard time in communicating effectively. But, as for now, due to my nature of work, I’m getting used to it. Slowly, I am coping in this kind of environment and at the same time developing my communication skills, which is a good sign. There are those moments when I want to quit, mostly all the time. With the help of my colleagues, I managed not to give up. I never expected that I would ever go this far, that I can handle so much pressure, stress, and frustrations.  Well, I’m really learning a lot in this toxic work environment. I already stepped out of my comfort zone. Little by little, I am learning on how to boost my self confidence at work.

My team has never let me down. They’re always there to guide, help, and motivate me. I am so grateful to be part of a great team. In a span of 2 months, it seems like I’ve already known them for years. We’re family. They’re my reason why I go to work everyday.

That’s all for tonight. I need to be physically and mentally ready for work tomorrow (Monday madness).

Writer’s Block?

Sometimes, I think I cannot write any longer. I can no longer write the thoughts I hold. I want to say something, detail by detail, but I just can’t pen it down anymore. I tried to read others’ works, so I would have the spirit to write again as before. Yeah, they write beautifully, and I ask myself, how come these people are following me, too?

You guys don’t know how much it matters to me, and thank you for not hitting the unfollow button, some already did though. I don’t care that much. I care about those people who stayed. I may not know you guys personally, but just reading your every post, I feel the connection among all of you. We may have different races, cultures, and beliefs, we still share common thoughts here. I never think that I am different from you guys. I love ya’ll from the bottom of my heart (: Thanks for staying with me this long.

I just hope I can write again as much as possible.

Beauty Behind Plainness

Sitting by the shore while watching the ocean moves is somewhat a reviving feeling for me. The tides are dancing to the music of the wind. The sounds I hear enable my spirit to return to life. The breeze alleviates my fretful mind. The scent of the ocean captivates my existence. The simplicity is alluring me. I am at ease, I assume, I am really accepted by the entire world as a whole, I presume I belong. I capture every second, every breathe I take, every beautiful things I see into a very remarkable degree. The skies embrace me with passion and the current of water is showing an intense affection unto me. This gives a relaxation to my body and mind which regenerates me all over again. The tranquil atmosphere is dominating my aura in a special manner. I feel safe and sound, delightful of every moment spent at the beach, far from the city, where people are too busy working on with their lives and forgetting how to be happy in every single way of their existence. I find peace within myself.

Just by sitting on a very fine rock particles, a sandy beach, allows me to experience everything, all in one. I get pleasure without doing anything. I am blissfully happy towards things that others don’t consider as important. For me, everything is useful, everything has purpose. I am here quietly admiring the tangible/intangible things around me. Somehow, I am satisfied, even just for now, even just for a day, even just for a moment.

Change

I know years from now, things will change again. From the way you think, from the tip of your hair, from the smell of your perfume. Everything will change. You will find new love, new environment, new friends, dream job. You will discover yourself and start realizing things on your own. All the pain, tears, and sacrifices are part of growing up. The road may not be the same anymore, but it doesn’t mean there’s no road to be taken. The choice is yours. The world will change as time passes by, and you know that. Change will always be there.